Le Grand Finale (Reloaded’s rant you can skip)

If you don’t know who Reloaded is, go check previous posts ( 1 & 2 ).

Imagine the following:

An unemployed you, having basic studies without any further job-training on any field (never finished a sales rep. course). You need the money.

Add the following job description:

You need to move your hands quickly. No experience required.

Got it? Okay, the question is, what kind of attitude will you show at work?

If it where me, I’ll probably keep a low profile, working harder than hard, being generally helpful and quiet most of the time. If it was you, maybe the same.
In Reloaded’s point of view, the way to go is:

  1. Act as if you own the place from day 5. Boss everyone more or less, so you can show proactivity. Even if you don’t know anything about what you are doing, they won’t nottice.
  2. If someone decides a workflow, loudly repeat it afterwards. People will only remember the last thing they hear, so you will slowly assume a power position.
  3. Constantly check your smartphone, cos everyday you can have important messages that define your workload. Warnings about phone usage do not apply to you.
  4. Say something, anything, about any subject being discussed, quick answers state superior intelligence. Make it up if necessary.
  5. Talk louder than anyone, the louder the better. That shows how hard you’re working.
  6. Sell yourself. Always point out how fast you did something, how hard you worked, even if it’s not true (because 3).
  7. When doing extra hours, complaint about how tired you are, even if other people is doing twice your time and staying silent about.
  8. When talking to the manager, point any improvements in workflow as your discoveries. The fact that you point it out, overrides the reality of any change being as old as fire.
  9. If someone doesn’t ride your wave, promptly acuse her or him about being a bad person. Make up facts so you look like the hard working bee you know you are.
  10. Don’t get to work in scooter, better bother your manager everyday to pick you up (and drop you), at about 10 minutes scooter time from work. Arriving alongside him, shows your power.
  11. Carbon-copy general attitude from the person who merrily recognizes being a slow worker. He has a permanent job, so that’s the way to have it, too.
  12. Your pace is THE pace, if anyone works much faster than you, he or she surely is doing drugs of some kind. Nevermind that almost everyone else works faster than you already.
  13. Buy a car as soon as you can, you REALLY need it because those extra 10 minutes in scooter, are not acceptable. Having no clue about next month’s job perspective, doesn’t matter.
  14. Change protocols as you deem fit. Ignore the manager when he makes you revert to the original way of working, you know better.
  15. Flight simulators are outdated, any Battlefield or CoD, beats them singlehandedly. Those two flight sim nerd coworkers know nothing. (Okay, this one just pissed me off)

So, guess who was told “sorry, you don’t fit the job”. I thought I had met stupid people, until I met him, and I mean, he is literally stupid. What kind of mental process doesn’t allow you to see that that’s not the best attitude at work?

Alas, he is no longer with us, wich makes me happy.


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